My husband drowned in a freak/tragic boating accident this weekend. It happened Sunday, just after 5pm sometime, and his body was recovered this afternoon. I have spent the entire time (along with various other members from both families), including nights, down at a river landing and only got home this afternoon. We had no phone reception unless somebody drove out a few kilometres (as was done periodically). Life has become a living hell.
I just wanted people to know where I was. I might be here. I might not be here. I alternate between a helpless, sobbing, agonising mess when there could be nothing further from my mind than a blog and a dry-eyed, disbelieving. aching calm before the storm where I can function on a basic level (as now). And I know that will be my life for a long time to come...
I'm terrified of all the tomorrows. Steve was a wonderful, wonderful husband and I don't know how I'm going to survive without him. I appreciated him, and he knew it, but I'm realising just how much of a pillar of support he was to me in so many different ways. He also was very affirmative and cuddly (words of affirmation and physical touch being his love languages!) and both of those leave gaping holes when taken away. They are both things that I thrived on.
If you can pray, please pray. God and me are on strained terms at the moment. There's many reasons why and those who know me best and/or longest will understand. So I really need other people to do the main work for me right now and thank you to anyone and everyone.
Lord, we pray for the repose of the soul of Steve, and for healing for his wife and family. May they know your mercy and love in this trying time.
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